What you might not have known about grits.

Steve Turner sent this to me. After yesterday’s post, I just had to follow up with this.

What Are Grits?

Nobody knows. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.
These are obviously lies spread by communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1,000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world’s grit mines are in South Carolina , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer’s Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea.

Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman’s personal diary. The woman’s name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a
spoon or knife.
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat
and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy .
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s
Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and
red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy
Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits,
only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for
this is manna from heaven.

How to Cook Grits

For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. [Use milk and they are creamier!)
Add 5 TBsp of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That’s all there is to cooking grits.

How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth —-
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream of Wheat.

Ways to Eat Leftover Grits
(Leftover grits are extremely rare.)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2″ of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
(Note: Slices can also be dipped into beaten egg and fried.)

IRISH BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS:

May the lord bless these grits,
May no Yankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.

AMEN

Some thing Yankees need to know about Dixie

Confederate Battle FlagOnly a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
_____

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’ !
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that “fixin can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened.. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,

“Bless her heart” … and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, …. bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads

“I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”


Southern girls know men may come and go,
but friends are fahevah !

Now…… Shugah, send this link to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant,bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

Why did not someone tell me that headache could be from neck?

Posted a story about a Russian patient who suffered from a headache for 10 years. I have been wanting to write up his story for a while.  It is great to be able to help someone who had just about given up hope that he would ever have a nice day.

Insect spray and Flea shampoo poison warning: Autism link found

fleaWith spring temperatures rising also comes the rise of little springy things called fleas. Flea shampoos are often used to control fleas but a recent study[1][1] has found that mothers of autistic children were twice as likely to have washed their pet dog with pyrethrin containing anti-flea shampoo during the months prior to delivery.

Of course these findings only demonstrates a correlation, they do not prove a cause. Pyrethrins are naturally occurring compounds that are derived from Chrysanthemums. Pyrethroids are the synthetic version. They are both neurotoxins that over excite nerve cells and cause death in insects. Be careful if you use them. While they are toxic to pest insects, they are also toxic to fish and tadpoles and beneficial insects like bees. But, because they work well and are low in toxicity to humans, birds and mammals they are have largely replaced other pesticides like organophosphones for flea control.

They rapidly break down outdoors in sunlight, which is another favorable quality of pyrethrins. But, they can persist indoors on floors and carpets and on the coats of indoor pets treated with pyrethrin containing flea shampoos. This increases human exposure to this chemical and could explain why household pyrethrin use is correlated to increased findings of autism spectrum disorder.

What to do?

To read the rest of the article follow this link to the clinic blog.

Snapshot by Fred Reed

FOE_SideBar_Column_r1_c1Here is a real beaut from Mr. Fred Reed, expatriate journalist and contrarian.  His style can be an acquired taste. Sometimes a bad taste. He can be by turns irreverent, hilarious, scandalous and rude. Like a dead fish in the moonlight, he can both stink and shine. However, when the meds are adjusted just right he can be well worth the read. Here is a sample of  his latest offerings:

Headline: “Senator Lautenberg: US Won’t Be Upset if Israel Strikes Iran.” Well, Senator Lautenberg, presumably an Arab, won’t be upset. But with which Americans has he consulted? Me? I guess I missed his call.

Real answer: He has consulted with Congress, 535 commoditized temple monkeys pawing through the ruins of America in search of bribes. The bicameral whorehouse on Capitol Hill works like a vending machine. You put coins in the slot, select your law, and the desired legislation slides out.

For the rest of the article follow this link:

Snapshot by Fred Reed

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